Time

Why do I feel like I'm forever neglected? I mean it's a never ending cycle. The ones you love you want to get the most time & energy from. So why is it that I feel like i'm being stabbed in the side and that everyday the knife goes deeper & deeper? All I know is that I need more time...I learned in class what psychosexual meant..I mean knew what it meant already but my teacher broke it down in a different way. Psycho is the brain & sexual is the body. The body tells the brain what it wants & the brain acts on that impulse. Sexual doesn't necessarily mean sex, it means: attention, affection, & love... If your not getting any of these three things from a significant other then you should drop the relationship says my Professor. And that includes any relationship. I Iearned that recently I have been so busy and in my own life that I have failed to take the time to figure out what makes me lust for life. It upsets me somedays to know that the un-obtainable can be obtained but sometimes I wonder if the feeling is mutual? To know someone truly misses me and loves me makes me feel so happy. To know that I crossed your mind just for a second gives me butterflies, but if I'm not told, how exactly do I find out? Love is a strong word. Today my Professor told me that because I have come from a home with no father, & because I have a mother with such a sever mental illness that I will automatically have issues in my relationships. The fact that arguments can be my fault is something I was missing as a child & trying to fill a void. Anyway my point is that time is not on my side. Love is everlasting but how do I incorporate the two so I can be truly happy; mind & body. Oh how I wish...and pray that something happens soon...oh how I wish I didn't take time for granted when you were by side and how I regret falling so deeply and being punished for this longing. Why is it so hard for me to accept how things are, & deal? :( why is it so easy for you? :-/ ( what should I do?!)

Oh, Time... stop neglecting me.... :-/


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